Don't invite us over....

'Cause we're just trouble.

Last night, at a Halloween Party, I heard a crash, breaking glass, and then silence. The whole party stopped to look at the cutest little one year old stinker who had just knocked over a large vase. Sad part is, when I saw the large vases on the floor earlier I thought "Mason's going to get a hold of those..." Gotta learn to listen to that voice a little better!

"What? I didn't know it would do that, Mom! I don't want to apologize to the Bishop!"

Almost an exact quote. At about 11:58 am this morning, at the Danville LDS Stake Center, a very LOUD alarm stopped everyone in their tracks. We all just froze in the Primary room and then looked to the Bishop, now Stake President, who just happened to be visiting Primary. He left the room, at which time someone else came into the room and announced, "Mr. Beckstead has found the fire alarm handle." I instructed the Primary to listen to the closing prayer and then leave, but once the prayer was done they all still stayed in their seats. It was LOUD! I went and found Chase, who was with his Dad, and had a little conversation.

He never did apologize to the Bishop/Stake President (hard to know what to call him - I guess technically he still has both callings.) Luckily the Bishop/Stake President is a very loving, understanding man, with children of his own. Chase will probably never do it again. (hopefully)

It's just another day in the life around here. I wonder when we will stop bringing havoc, destruction and chaos with us wherever we go? Someday I am sure. But for now, I need a nap.

Today

This little baby threw my phone in the toilet this afternoon, then swirled it around with the toilet brush. Ugh.

This little girl got to go on a field trip to In-N-Out today. We are trying out a new plan with her medication and today was a great day! But you know when one calms down the others start to go crazy. They just take turns.

Don't be deceived by the smile. This one gave the dentist such a hard time this morning. She kept pulling off the nitrous (aka happy air) and would refuse to open her mouth. I love the kids Dentist. She is AWESOME. I, on the other hand, was not awesome and had to leave the room because I was getting so mad at Madi's antics.

And like most days, this little guy was just along for the ride. I'm glad he's so good natured. Most of the time. He spent the afternoon carrying around a "pumpkin lantern" he made out of a paper bag, stuffed with newspaper, painted orange. He has the best preschool teacher. Really, she's awesome. They made apple pie today, but aren't going to eat it until tomorrow. Can't wait to hear how our carnivore enjoys a pie made out of a fruit he refuses to eat.

Picture Post

Tonight I was looking at some of the pictures I had on my computer and I decided to do a random picture post. And, because I am not a very sophisticated blogger, they happened to load from most recent to oldest.

So here is a picture of Chase, taken at Chili's on Friday night. He was the lucky student who got to bring "Sparky Squirrel" home for the weekend. We are glad Sparky is returning to the classroom on Monday. It is stressful to have to keep track of a beloved classroom mascot when I can hardly keep track of my own children.

The girls were pretty excited for the first day of school. Abby is in 2nd and Madison is in 1st. They go to different schools, but they both get to ride the bus. I LOVE the bus!

Over the summer we spent a few weeks in Utah visiting family. Madison got to spend a few days with her Nana and Grandpa Cobb by herself while the rest of us stayed with Grandma and Grandpa Beckstead. During that time she was able to fishing with Grandpa, her cousin Ben and Grandpa's neighbor Rich. Madison and Ben both caught fish, but couldn't understand why the fish died. I think they both thought they were catching their future pets.

Mason turned 1 on July 18th and we had a little party. He wasn't all that excited to eat his GIANT Costco cupcake (which, sadly, they don't have anymore at our Costco.) I had to kind of shove some in his mouth. He was a little interested in mushing the frosting around, but not too interested in eating it. I look at these pictures now, and already he seems so much bigger.

This cute picture was taken just a few weeks before his birthday. We spent an afternoon at the Oakland Temple and snapped this picture in the car on the way home. It was one of the rare hot days we had this summer.

This last picture of Madison was taken at the end of the school year last year. Her class got an AWESOME tour of a local fire station. The dad of one of the children in the afternoon program works at this station (and is a Chief or Captain or some in-charge kind of guy). The kids got to see everything and even got a ride in the fire truck. It was really amazing. I'm glad I got to go with her.

I need to be better about taking pictures. It's so fun to look back and remember!

Pants-less....

I should be asleep. I am going to be so mad at myself in the morning for being awake right now. This early morning routine I've got going is getting harder, but I'm sticking with it because there's been a lot less yelling right before the bus comes, and that's a good thing.

My children are all so different. Today they all brought out different things in me. I have a son, who is just 5 years old. He kind of lives in his own little world. He is stubborn, and today his stubbornness and naughtiness gave me such a laughing fit, I embarrassed myself on the phone with the pediatricians office.

Lately, Chase has been refusing to put his pants back on after using the bathroom. Underwear, yes (thank goodness), pants no. Today, I didn't have time to argue. We had to go to Madison's appointment - being late was not an option. It would begin a domino effect of lateness and I hate being late! Too many things to do today - so the pants-less Chase climbed in his booster seat, white t-shirt, white undies, little white legs, white socks and green camo crocs. (Even some colored undies would have made it better- but, no, they were white.) I figured we'd be fine, he didn't have to get out of the car at all. Who cares if he stays in the van pants-less?

I thought it would be a good time to make some phone calls- you know, sitting in the van waiting for Madison (we do that a lot). I called one doctor, texted my husband, played a game of Sudoku, then decided to call the pediatrician to set up appointments for flu shots. As I was listening to the automatic greeting, Chase starts doing his "potty, potty, potty , POTTY...." routine. There isn't much time to spare when he starts jumping up and down. And he was still pants-less. I didn't see much hope in getting his pants on so we could go inside, so I did something I NEVER do- I told him to pee in the bushes in front of the car. He thought that was such a fabulous idea! What a great mommy- he still didn't have to put his pants on. So out he went. I should know better than to let a 5 year old out of the van when waiting for a 50 minute appointment.

After he did his business, there was no way he was getting back in the car. So he began dancing around the parking lot- a little white thing bobbing all around. (it's at a church so there's not much going on in the parking lot) Still on the phone I got out of the car and tried to corral him back in. It was hopeless, and I was was getting nowhere with it. I got back in the car and then spotted him in my rearview mirror. The little stinker was climbing up the back of the van holding on to the rear windshield wiper, and he thought he was doing it on the sly.

Still on the phone, just about to talk to the receptionist, I decided to teach that kid a lesson. Unfortunately I don't use the rear wipers very often so it took me a few seconds to get to the right controls. You should have seen his face as the wipers began to magically move! His face was exactly what I was looking at the moment the receptionist answered at the dr's office. He had such a look of shock. He slid down the windshield and disappeared for a moment. I was laughing so hard I could hardly breathe. Speaking was out of the questions. I kept saying, "I'm sorry... I'm just....Oh, I'm sorry....give me a second...." I'm sure she thought I was crying. She kept saying, "It's ok, it's ok....." Chase's head popped back into view. He was cautiously eyeing the wipers. I finally was able to say "I'm sorry- I'm just laughing so hard... I'm calling about flu shots for the Becksteads..." (they totally know us by name at the doctors- we make quite an impression) I was barely able to keep from busting up again during my phone call, and meanwhile Chase decided that dancing in the parking lot was probably better than taking his chances with those crazy moving wiper things.

Oh goodness- I am still laughing about it. Maybe you had to be there! I'm glad I was.

And just for the record, he never did put his pants back on. He, did however, put basketball shorts on when we had to go out later to deliver treats to the ladies I visit teach. Thank goodness. I've got to remember to only put the colored undies on him from now on. At least they look a little bit more like shorts. LOVE that kid! Wow- I'm still laughing. And now I've got to get some sleep. I have to take 3 littles to the dentist first thing in the morning. WHAT was I THINKING!!!!! Maybe I'll still be laughing about our pants-less afternoon. That would help.

Tonight

Tonight, I picked up my sleeping baby from his crib just so I could rock his warm little body in my arms. It was an answer to a prayer.

It was a desperately hard night. Tantrums, tears, chaos, pain, frustration and endless noise all coming from one child. I was praying for patience, restraint, mercy and forgiveness all at the same time, and all evening long. I didn't feel very good about my parenting and I was pretty sure the neighbors were wishing I'd shut the windows, or shut my mouth. I really was trying- that's the sad part. Really, truly. We had a home cooked dinner, a run to the park for soccer, treats, showers, scriptures and prayer. Dad is out of town- we were on our own tonight.

After the lights were out, and the noise was quieted, I turned to the computer and did hours of research. There has to be a better way, a better solution. New meds? Alternative Therapy? Private School? No Meds? Diets? I've read it all before, but I read it all again. Praying, pondering and hoping that something would just jump off the screen and scream - "Here is the answer!" ..... Nothing jumped.

Looking at the clock, I hurried into bed, knowing that my new morning routine affords me one less hour of sleep every morning in a grand effort to get one. single. child. ready for school before any one else wakes up.

But I couldn't sleep. In fact my thoughts and prayers became more desperate than earlier. My mind swirled. I hate that feeling. It feels so ungrounded and dangerous. I forced my mind to rest on one thought. Joy. The joy that I feel is eluding me. I want to feel joy. I want to feel joy in my role as a mother. I pled in my prayers- and my mind instantly went back to my days of infertility. Those were painful days. All I wanted was a baby to hold in my arms.

I was given 4.

I almost spoke out loud - "I need to hold my baby." I went to the baby's crib and with gratitude that he's a sound sleeper, I picked him up and then sat with him in the rocking chair. He slept peacefully in my arms, and my whole body calmed down. He's a beautiful boy, and I just looked at him.

I have no answers to my problem, but after I put the baby back in his crib, I went to the beds of my easiest child and my hardest child and gave them both a long hug. My heart was softened towards the one by the warm touch and peace of the other.

Holding my baby was an answer to my prayer. My prayer from long ago and my prayer from tonight. Babies are magic, aren't they?

I am still praying for an answer to our special needs problems. I have a feeling it will be long in coming, but I do have hope. And, at least for now, when my mind starts to swirl, and desperation creeps in, I need to remember the magical little baby, who sleeps so soundly, who is mine, all mine. I need to remember to go in an rock him and let the little bit of heaven that is still in him calm my soul. It won't be long till he's all grown up. And there won't be anymore babies for us, so I will enjoy it while I can!